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| Empathic Dialogue the Authentix Way: Conscious Approaches to Achieving Agreement |
| Empathicly Authentic Dialogue “True dialogue is a process by which we seek ‘containers’ capable of holding more and more of our experience”, says William Isaacs, a graduate of Dartmouth and the London School of Economics, who also has a doctorate in philosophy from Oxford University, and whose work in this field has earned respect from Ford, Motorola, and Shell – among many other clients. “We can see this in the experience of a couple that continuously fights and has no ‘space’ to understand the tensions they are feeling. We can imagine the change they might feel if they could walk into the arms of a very wise, understanding friend who could soothe and reassure them ...” (from "Dialogue & the Art of Thinking Together" by William Isaacs). |
| Disciplines for Empathic Dialogue the Authentix Way |
| .. We can use the principles of empathically authentic dialogue in the boardroom, the bedroom, the shop floor, the construction site, the customer's office, the family vacation, the relative's visit, even in email exchanges or blog or forum posts -- indeed almost anywhere. Doing so exercises a spirit of conversation in which ideas for an opening toward satisfying agreements are woven together in an increasingly coherent tapestry of both rational and reasonable conceptions and inquiries. This, however, is merely a logical statement of the theory of dialogue. Putting the theory into practice involves gaining proficiency in 5 essential disciplines, conditions for success in which may be summarized as follows: .. |
| Can we take the time -- in physically non-dangerous circimstances -- to 'listen' for either our own or another's needs? And can we then find the words to express what will move us toward what we know will arrest alarm and raise hope in some practical approach or action to meet them? In uncertain, difficult, or challenging circumstances, we feel anxious about expressing, or listening for, unmet needs. Doubtful that the option of silence will 'do', we rush to interpret what we hear as requiring either a vehement defence of ourselves, or withdrawing, or offering hasty, and therefore unempathic, even presumptive, suggestions. Is there a practical way we can all learn to navigate such moments? Communication isn't announcing or broadcasting but requires two people at least; and what takes place in between is often a mystery about which we can either assume we know or else work to discover in a dialogue, where all parties do their best to present their authentic selves empathically to the others. If we can find a simple way we can all understand and easily remember for doing this, then by practising it we would be able to increase the chances of reaching agreements when we need more than one party to solve a problem, i.e. converse fruitfully in the discovery of needs with which the parties can help each other and/or others. Authentix Coaches have found that utterance of an "I have 'X emotion' now" (IHXEN, pronounced 'Eye-Zen') statement, where 'X emotion' is an honest selection of simply a noun or a noun phrase, is a reliable way, in challenging moments, for anyone to navigate such moments safely. The act of articulating an honest IHXEN engages such capacities as we already have developed in easier circumstances for the purposes of sustaining connection and surfacing/sharing ideas/experience. For more about IHXENs, how they avoid conflict, how they facilitate more satisfying and/or productive conversation, and how they produce outstanding returns on the investment required to become proficient in their use, click on this link, or on one or another of the navigation buttons below. .. |
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| Authentix Coaches |
Mr. Isaacs' book quotes Peter Garrett who, after working with quantum physicist and introducer of the term 'implicate order' David Bohm and also with Don Factor, has practised the idea of 'true dialogue' in maximum-security prisons where he found offenders will attend dialogue sessions while boycotting everything else: “The impulse behind intentions is pure, even though the intention may be distorted and the impact not what was intended. Inquiring deeply enough to reach the original impulse will always reveal ‘wholesomeness’. This provides the confidence to enter the loudest confrontation and the darkest territory without fear that it will get forever worse.” .. |
| Thorough dialogue between participants in any situation in which they have interest in both learning and practising its disciplines will lead to satisfying agreements. That's the implication of what Peter Garrett is telling us. The impulses giving rise to intents are life expressions, no matter what moods of destructive cynicism or repelling anxiety may be contaminating their manifestation or interpretation. The task of an "Authentix Dialoguer" is therefore to practise skills that facilitate expression and evocation of empathic authenticity and the best available degree of reciprocity. Consider the following success rate comparisons: |
| Sources: Data – Conference Board of Canada as quoted in Globe & Mail of 070505 and Canadian Business & the Law, by DuPlessis et al. published 2005 by Nelson div. of Thomson Publishing; Analysis - Authentix Coaches |
| the author, Angus Cunningham (in Kolapore Wilderness, Ontario) |
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