Coaching Story
Authentix Coaches
Chinghiz hoped that his new client, Jopi, would be in a better frame of mind than she had been at their
session the evening before at Family Thai Restaurant on the Danforth.  He wanted her to stick with their
commitment to a coaching partnership.  So this is the email he sent her:


Date:                Tue, 4 Nov 2008 05:58:31 -0800 (PST)
From:               Chinghiz Kayan <cuk@authentixcoaches.com>
Subject:            Freda and last night
To:                   Jopi Jawohl <jj@authentixcoaches.com>

I hope you are not blaming either yourself or me for what happened at dinner last night, Jopi.

What happened, from my perspective, is that you arrived after having had some doubts that you wanted to
come and in hopes that the evening would be what you wanted it to be.  I had been waiting wondering what
mood you would arrive in and saw, very soon in our conversation, that you had a glum expression while
professing yourself to be equanimous.

I believe you have arrived at this incongruent state after many years of feeling an obligation to behave as if
everything was OK when inside you were feeling unhappy.  I therefore entertain hopes that I can evoke an
awakening on your part that will benefit us both.

In the event, you found yourself being sarcastic.  Were you intending such?  In retrospect, I doubt you knew
you were feeling sarcastic when, in spontaneous reaction – obviously a frank one at the time – to my asking
whether you actually felt sorry, you replied "No, I am not sorry".

I have asked you to be always authentic.  That "no, I am not sorry" was authentic at the time.  Thank you for
the courage you had to express that authenticity.

Can you now accept that one's authentic feeling at the time can be a valuable ingredient of the vitalizing
communications abilities that I seek to introduce to the world as empathic authenticity?  Yesterday, neither
you nor I were able to be empathically authentic.  But, and this is the point, WE are getting there.  Neither you
nor I are always able to be empathically authentic.  Perhaps we will never always be so.  But we are growing;
and we are doing this growing together and in the direction of empathic authenticity.

Amen.  I look forward to hearing from you as to how we will coordinate to meet Freda for lunch.  If I do not
hear from you, I will walk down myself to be at the Ali Baba place you mentioned.

Sincerely,

Chinghiz


Leaders have always faced a continuously demanding requirement to raise their productivity.  Today, in the
wake of a global liquidity crisis and of serious political conflicts among ideologies as to what solutions will
restore the conditions for economic stability and growth, the leader's task has become even more daunting.

The situation is complicated by the fact that we cannot make good choices if we are not equanimous, i.e.
balanced in both body and mind.  But when we bear in mind that we are often still managing at least some of
our emotional life in much the same way as we did years ago in childhood, which is to say largely
unconsciously, some light appears.

The semi-conscious approach to managing our well-being – success at which largely determines how quickly
we can regain equanimity after a shock – serves us well enough in most circumstances.  Everyone's
experience eventually includes, however, finding in some moment or period that a less than sufficiently aware
and conscious performance of such a vital function as optimizing one's well-being has simply not been good
enough.  Instincts have provided, to that moment, much of the answers we have needed, and something else,
which we each normally think of as “I” has made up what we think they didn’t.  But what if these two
“departments” of our lives, instincts and “I”, seem to be “coming up short”.  What then?  An answer to this
question is vital to discover as quickly as possible.

When our instincts seem to be insufficient, we have an urgent need to become conscious, in the present
moment, that an emotion or mood may be biasing our thinking.  We may be aware that we have an emotion or
mood; but are we practically conscious of its implications for the mental bias we
may now need to correct?  
Just as important, are we able to work with the clues to well-being contained, albeit in often not very easily
recognizable form, in our emotions?  Can we use these clues to restore our equanimity for the purposes of
fruitful dialogue and decision-making?


Date:           Tue, 4 Nov 2008 07:23:25 -0800 (PST)
From:          Jopi Jawohl <jj@authentixcoaches.com>
Subject:      Re: Freda and last night
To:              Chinghiz Kayan <cuk@authentixcoaches.com>

Thank you. That is quite an accurate analysis. It would have been more honest if I had not come for the soup,
actually it was a 50-50 chance of having a pleasant encounter I had hoped for and I wish I had been able to
push everything under the table but my face showed that I hadn't.

I can pick you up at 12.15 but I am leaving the lunch around 1.30 for I want to go to a meeting at Ryerson's at
2.

Thank you for your explanation.

Jopi
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Leaders have always faced a continuously demanding requirement to raise their productivity.  Today, in the
wake of a global liquidity crisis and of serious political conflicts among ideologies as to what solutions will
restore the conditions for economic stability and growth, the leader's task has become even more daunting.

The situation is complicated by the fact that we cannot make good choices if we are not equanimous, i.e.
balanced in both body and mind.  But when we bear in mind that we are often still managing at least some of
our emotional life in much the same way as we did years ago in childhood, which is to say largely
unconsciously, some light appears.

The semi-conscious approach to managing our well-being – success at which largely determines how quickly
we can regain equanimity after a shock – serves us well enough in most circumstances.  Everyone's
experience eventually includes, however, finding in some moment or period that a less than sufficiently aware
and conscious performance of such a vital function as optimizing one's well-being has simply not been good
enough.  Instincts have provided, to that moment, much of the answers we have needed, and something else,
which we each normally think of as “I” has made up what we think they didn’t.  But what if these two
“departments” of our lives, instincts and “I”, seem to be “coming up short”.  What then?  An answer to this
question is vital to discover as quickly as possible.

When our instincts seem to be insufficient, we have an urgent need to become conscious, in the present
moment, that an emotion or mood may be biasing our thinking.  We may be aware that we have an emotion or
mood; but are we practically conscious of its implications for the mental bias we
may now need to correct?  
Just as important, are we able to work with the clues to well-being contained, albeit in often not very easily
recognizable form, in our emotions?  Can we use these clues to restore our equanimity for the purposes of
fruitful dialogue and decision-making?